Over 40 Years with IED- Roger's Blog

My name is Roger Heater and the following is my story.


I had serious anger and temper tantrums that started at a very early age of four. As early as two I showed signs of extreme hyperness; I couldn't get myself to sit still. I rocked standing up, I rocked sitting down, and I even rocked in my crib so severely that I would rock it completely across the room. My rocking continued well into my late 30's and still occurs periodically to this day, especially if I'm nervous or excited about something.

I want to attempt to explain what went through my mind right before going into a violent rage. From as young as I can remember it never took much to set me off. As a very young child my brother would tease me or I was told I couldn't have something or do something and that was all it took; I would fly into a violent rage as if my whole world had just been turned upside down. Repeatedly smashing my head onto the floor or the wall as hard as I could, smacking myself in the forehead until dizziness occurred or I was about to pass out. As I got older the behavior grew with me and the strangest part about it was things that most people wouldn't even get upset about, made me flip out like it was the worst thing that I could have ever experienced in my life. The sad part was in my mind it was.

As the years went on and I became a teenager my behavior no longer looked like a little kid having a rage attack. Now I looked like a violent teenager, no longer cute and innocent, instead I looked angry and dangerous. What was once a temper tantrum to my parents became spousal abuse to my wives. Just like when I was a kid it didn’t take much to set me off, after 2 failed marriages and two return visits to a psychiatric hospital in 1995 at the age of 34, I was finally given a diagnosis.

I was told I have a mental illness called Intermittent Explosive Disorder, also known as IED. This disorder takes away your control over aggressive behavior. What’s that mean in laymen’s terms? I had absolutely no gray area, it didn’t exist. Since a young child I only had 2 gears, slow and fast. I was missing the medium speed button, known in medical terms as the gray area, without this section of my brain working correctly it made it nearly impossible to not react to everything that upset me.

Not only did I react to everything, but I reacted in a very violent way. It always ended in one of two ways, me getting pissed off at the stupidest stuff until someone was hurt or property was damaged. Living without that gray area was like going downhill on a bike with no breaks, it was impossible to stop once I got started. I was never able to rationalize anything; I was only capable of reacting. That gray area is like a sorting out station in your brain. Without that area it was impossible for me to separate the difference between what I should be upset about and what I should let slide right by. In my brain everything that pissed me off was serious enough to react very irrational over.

Try to imagine a tornado landing in your living room, one minute it’s completely calm and then within seconds the whole room is destroyed and just like that it’s calm again. That’s Intermittent Explosive Disorder. Be aware, this disorder doesn’t care who’s standing in front of it when it strikes, it doesn’t calm down because kids are in the room, it doesn’t get embarrassed over who’s watching it, it’s not afraid to show up in the public, it’s not afraid that you’re going to call the

cops on it, it can’t be reasoned with, it has absolutely no respect for women or anybody getting in its way and it has no rules. The good news is this illness does come with one good emotion-remorse. After almost every episode I ever had immediately after calming down I felt shame and sorrow for my actions. I have lived with this mental disorder longer than myself, doctors or the public even knew what it was. I was institutionalized, medicated, wrapped in sheets and locked away in rooms not much bigger than a janitor’s closet by the time I was 13 years old.

I have survived mental hospitals, psychiatric wards, three failed marriages, years of prescribed medications and have managed to raise two well balanced children. A very successful 23 year old son who I raised by myself from the age of 10 and my 11 year old daughter who I am raising with the help of my fiancée and sharing custody in an amicable relationship with my ex-wife. I have been off prescribed medication for over 10 years now, I live completely drug and alcohol free and for the first time in my life I have lived in a stress and violent free house for the past 5 years.

I’m living proof that if I can learn to control this disorder, so can you. I am writing this to give hope to those people who have suffered long enough without seeing the end of the violent tunnel. This is to the wife or girlfriend that doesn’t understand why her full grown man is acting out verbally or physically like a child who’s not getting their way and will push them and choke them for the smallest reasons. Or for the parents who’s scared to walk out of their bedroom in fear of their 15 year old son who might attack them for no reason except they’re upset at the moment.

Or the siblings that have to hide from there angry brother to stop from being beat up. Maybe you’re the 15 year old girl who’s being mentally and physically abused by her boyfriend and thinks that it’s acceptable behavior. But mostly I have written this for the person that is doing the abuse and doesn’t understand why, or how to stop. I’m here to say, I do.

Living with Intermittent Explosive Disorder- The Roger Heater story

If your child is throwing temper tantrums beyond your control...

If the man in your life blows up in a rage over the smallest things...

If your house is being destroyed by the hands of these people...

Then this story is for you

From Institutions to Freedom tells the story of Roger Heater who has lived with IED for over three decades

As a child Roger suffered from temper tantrums and rage attacks, what began as tantrums banging his head on the floor ended in rage attacks flipping furniture over and destroying his bedroom. These attacks lasted thirty minutes to two hours sometimes. At times his parents were forced to sit on him and hold him down so he wouldn’t cause any damage to himself, or them. By age 12 he was made a ward of the court and spent the next four years being shuffled around shelters, group homes, mental institutions, and psychiatric hospitals throughout the State of California, during which time he experienced several different forms of discipline and medications.

In the 70’s Roger was placed in an institution where they mixed mentally handicap adults with kids. At age 13 he was living with adults as old as 70. Being stripped of his belt, shoes and pockets emptied, he was placed in a 7’ by 4’ room with no outside window or door knob on the inside. He was restrained on beds by being wrapped in sheets from the ankles to his neck. As early as 9 years old he was subjected to several different anti-depressants including Ritalin, Valium and Lithium.

Over the next 15 years he self medicated with marijuana that he began to smoke excessively from as early as age 14. It seemed to control his hyper energy and aggressive behavior. By age 19 his impulsive and addictive personality began to crave drug- cocaine. Four years later after almost overdosing one evening, he began a self therapy treatment that involved one day at a time of not touching the drug and performing at local amateur comedy clubs throughout the Bay area. Just like marijuana, comedy became an excellent outlet to release his extra aggression. By age 34 with two addictive drug habits and two failed marriages behind him, the comedy stage alone was no longer enough to keep his anger under control. His aggressive and abusive behavior landed him into a psychiatric hospital twice within a 6 month period.

3 decades of Roger's IED incidents-

Age 4; Temper tantrums began, Roger would lay flat on his stomach and repeatedly bang his head on the floor, his mother had to hold him until he calmed down.

Age 11; He was running head first into walls, destroying his room so bad that everything was removed except his bed and dresser.

Age 16; Roger took out 32 car windshields with a baseball bat causing over $5000.00 worth in damages.

In his early 20's after receiving a hamburger with mayo at a Jack in the Box drive-thru, he threw it back at the server and sped off in a screaming road rage into heavy expressway traffic almost causing a three car pileup.

In his early 20's to mid 30's he mentally and physically attacked 3 separate wives. During a rage attack he was known to lift wives up off the floor by their throats.

After struggling for over three decades, he was finally given a diagnosis in 1995. He was told he had a mental disorder called Intermittent Explosive Disorder. (I-E-D). This disorder was still unknown to the public and researchers at the time, so proper medications and therapy were still in the testing stage. Over the years while learning what he could about the disease he taught himself how to overcome and survive living with it. After more than 14 years of touring and performing comedy all over the United States, he developed a strong ability to keep any size groups attention and his strong stage presence continues to shine even when delivering material on a much darker subject. His sense of humor, passion and understanding for this disorder stands out in every delivery.

Roger is in the process of writing his book-

“From Institutions to Freedom” in the hopes that sharing his story with others will motivate and show others that instead of

‘you can’t’-you can!

Stimulus Pro-bono opportunity~~During these tough economic times, we are giving a limited amount of pro-bono talks in Las Vegas, California, Utah and Arizona. Don't wait! Email us to schedule. Contact us @ tmoss1026@yahoo.com

Roger is dedicated to speak wherever there is a need. A man who never took “you can’t” as an excuse, Roger fought through each and every obstacle and came out proving everyone wrong.

Roger is sharing his story all around the country. Please email us with where you are from and names of organizations that may benefit in hearing this powerful, motivating story
To learn more about IED or to book a pro-bono talk, or just to speak with Roger on line, visit our website- www.heaterproductions.com or e-mail Roger at rogerheaterlv@yahoo.com

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